No light, no light

«They moved foward and my heart died»

I open my eyes and think it's not a dream, it can't be. that would be rather cruel.

Having you back for a little while only to see you vanishing again would probably kill me - what's left of me.

When I had lost all hope, when I had embraced despair and faced the dark reality of losing you, you appeared out of nowhere with that part of my light I had nearly forgotten. Or tried to, fiercely.

My self-preservating heart keeps telling me over and over again that it won't last - it can't last - it's only a beautiful and tragic illusion. That soon I'll wake from it and I'll be without you once more. 

The fear is installed, I try to hold on to you, to seek you during my day...Grasping for your hand whenever I can, perhaps frenetically, to make sure you haven't faded away again.

But you are still there, telling me you fear the very same things, that you hope for the very same outcome; you're still real, you're still there! Our door isn't quite closed yet, our story is not complete.

The simple fact that I can now talk to you or share my precious moments with you fills me with unbelievable joy...Before, my light was almost out, flickering to survive; now, she has grown to guide my steps through the dark times.

It's still so unreal, I feel I keep having to look at you, to grab your hand in order to make sure you haven't disappeared. The floor beneath my feet feels incredibly shaky and unstable - we must keep trying to fill the void before it's too late. I promise it's only for a little while, though. Only until I know we won't let go, this time.

«It took me nearly a year to get here; it wasn't so hard to cross that street after all...It all depends on who's waiting for you on the other side»