Crash and Burn

You swear today is the last time.
You swear that you'll never walk down that road, that you'll never think about that name again.
You will do whatever it takes to erase that single number from your memory, because until you forget it, you won't be able to control the urge to return to your addiction. Incredible temptation.
You'll begin to think (at first) that it was a mistake. You shouldn't have left. That the mistake was leaving.
That you should've handled all the wounds he caused; all the words that made your world spin out of control...Pity he left you, pity it didn't work out like you wanted (needed). That's life...
How sad...He cursed you, he scared you away, he made you leave and never come back, and here we are. You feel every inch of your body crying for him, aching. "Go there, see him one more time, kiss him one last time" (but it wouldn't work) - your mind tricks you into a world that does not exist.
And what are words? What does it mean, when his mouth says one thing, but his actions another? So his heart skipped a beat when he first saw you...So what? Yours barely kept beating after you left. Is it fair? The pain of despair, the sorrow, the anger, the loneliness...They're for you, he doesn't feel them anymore.
Even in hurt you're alone. He never felt it, he never truly wanted you. It was all a lie you really loved; that's your burden, knowing that after all is said and done, he won't be back. He was never yours, even when you were his.
Maybe the worst part is knowing that despite all this being true, you would still go back. You can't let go, you are stuck on him, for good.
Trying to move on, trying to forget, you close your eyes and you still see his face, his smile. Without great effort you can still hear his voice, calling your name softly. And then yelling, hurting, using that familiar voice to make you come undone.
Once the brightest dream, now the nightmare you can't wake from; the sweetness turned into something deeply bitter and suddenly you can no longer breathe. It's twisted, dangerous and sick, but you miss him anyway. You somehow remember the good moments.
You re-open the wounds, the scars, the bruises, to feel his touch - trying desperatly to hold on to his last remains - it won't be over.
Not soon...Not soon enough.